Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:00:00]:
If menopause has stolen your desire, made intimacy feel painful, or left you wondering, will I ever feel sexy again? Well, this episode is for you, because what's happening to your body is real and it's common, but it's not the end of your pleasure. In this episode, we're talking menopause and intimacy. Welcome to the Mr. Menopause Show. What I am covering in this episode is often whispered about, but we are speaking on it out loud and proud today. And if you ever wondered what happened to your sex drive, why intimacy feels different, or why no one ever warned you about the real changes that come with menopause, well, you are definitely in the right place. Now, I'm gonna break it all down without shame, without fluff, but with all the facts that you should have been given years ago. We'll get into all the changes, what's happening to your body, inside your body, and because of your body when it comes to sex and menopause.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:01:08]:
And I'm going to do it with honesty, empathy, and just the right amount of science sprinkled in there as well. Now, first, let me say this loud and clear. If you've been experiencing changes in your sex drive, discomfort during intimacy, or just not feeling like yourself anymore, it's not in your head, and you're definitely not broken. See, sexual health concerns during midlife are very common. In fact, studies show that up to 70% of women report some form of sexual dysfunction during perimenopause and menopause. And that includes things like vaginal dryness, pain during sex, which is also called dyspareunia, a drop in libido, difficulty with arousal or orgasm, and a general feeling of disconnection from desire. But even though the numbers are high, the. The conversations around these issues are still quiet.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:02:03]:
Right? So I want to turn up the volume, and we're going to break that silence for good. Right now. Listen. During perimenopause and menopause, estrogen levels start to decline significantly, as you may have heard me say many times. Now, estrogen is your body's MVP, one of your body's MVPs, responsible for maintaining health, elasticity, lubrication of your vaginal tissues. And when. When the estrogen drops, well, things down there change very, very fast, right? The vaginal walls become thinner and more fragile. Natural lubrication also starts to decrease.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:02:40]:
The PH of the vagina changes, making it more prone to infections. Blood flow is reduced, which can also impact sensation. Now, together, these symptoms form what is known, formally recognized as genotourinary syndrome. Of men, menopause, or gsm. So, no, it's not just about dryness. It's a full body experience that can affect comfort, intimacy, confidence, and self image. The irony, though, is that many women don't even know GSM exists and even fewer ever get diagnosed. And why? Well, because it's rarely discussed.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:03:17]:
And when it is, it's often dismissed or minimized, even in the doctor's office. Now, let's talk about libido. Yes, hormones like estrogen and testosterone play a big role in sexual desire, but they're not the only players in the game. Libido is a complex cocktail of emotional well being, physical health, sleep quality, stress levels and stress management, relationship dynamics, and past experiences as well. And then when you're navigating mood swings, hot flashes, night sweats, weight changes, fatigue, or cognitive fog, all while juggling work, family, and your own mental health, well, it's no wonder sex starts to feel like a distant memory. And let's be honest, if it hurts, you're not going to want to do it anyway, right? And that's just biology. So right now, your body is just trying to protect you. It's not a lack of interest.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:04:16]:
It's a response to pain or fear of pain. And that's important for you to really understand because the physical side is just one piece of the puzzle. There's a powerful psychological impact that comes with midlife sexual changes as well. For example, you may start questioning your desirability or your worth. You may feel disconnected from your partner or resentful that they just don't get it. You may feel guilt about avoiding intimacy. You may even mourn the loss of spontaneity in your sex life. You may even feel like you've lost a piece of yourself.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:04:54]:
Any of this sound familiar? Well, listen, this emotional weight can be heavy. And the cultural narrative doesn't help either. Women are often taught to view their sexual peak as something tied to their youth. The media, advertising and entertainment industries rarely showcase midlife women as sexual beings, let alone sexual beings who are evolving, growing, and reimagining pleasure. But here's the truth. Your sexual story does not end at menopause. It changes. And in many ways, it also has the potential to also get much better.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:05:29]:
Right? It's also common to face challenges in your relationship during this time. Maybe your partner doesn't understand the changes you're going through. Maybe they take your lack of desire personally. Maybe they feel helpless or frustrated just like you do. These are valid emotions on both sides. But avoiding the conversation does not Help. Silence breeds resentment. And when you're both operating from confusion, well, it creates more distance.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:05:59]:
So I recommend starting small. Be honest. Share your feelings, your needs, your discomfort, and invite them to learn alongside you. If they love you. And listen, if they're in a relationship with you, there is a high probability that they do, right? Well then obviously they want to be part of the solution. They just may not know how. And listen, if you're single, please don't think this conversation doesn't apply. It absolutely does.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:06:26]:
Understanding what your body is going through helps you to better advocate for yourself in future relationships, in your dating relationships, and more importantly, in your relationship with yourself. Now let's do a quick checklist. These may seem like small issues, but they do add up fast. Doing things like avoiding tight clothes due to vulvar sensitivity, dreading gynecological exams, using lubricants more frequently, or avoiding sex altogether, feeling self conscious about odor, appearance or sensation, or feeling embarrassed to be asking for help or to ask for explanations. And again, if any of these resonate, please know that they are not random annoyances. These are messages from your body and they deserve your attention, your compassion, and most importantly, your care. All of these changes can be frustrating, painful or even scary. But they are also navigable with knowledge, tools and support.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:07:30]:
You can rewrite the narrative. See, this season of your life isn't the end of your sensuality. It's the beginning of a deeper, wiser and more connected expression of it. So instead of asking, why don't I want sex anymore? Start asking this. What does my body need right now to feel safe, desired and connected? Look, that shift alone can transform how you view yourself and your sexual health. Now, coming up later in the episode, we're going to explore the actual solutions, medical, holistic, emotional and practical that can actually help to bring joy, intimacy and pleasure back into your life. Because now that we've named the problem, it's time to give you power packed evidence backed ways to fix it. And look, keep in mind you're in a transition and you deserve guidance, support, and above all, permission to reclaim your pleasure on your your terms.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:08:30]:
And let me be crystal clear about this, you are not imagining it and you're definitely not alone. A recent piece in the Guardian brought raw clarity to what so many women face. And here's just an excerpt a woman wrote. I used to sit in a shallow cold bath, sobbing. It was agony. The burning never let up for one second of the day or night. It even walking was painful. That was Claire, 55 years old.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:08:58]:
She was in so much pain that everyday life became unbearable. Putting on jeans, going for a run, or even working out. Now this genotourinarian syndrome of menopause, and that's G, S, M again, I'm going to repeat that. Genitourinary. I'll spell it. It's G E, N I, T O U, R I N A R Y. You should look this up if you're experiencing vaginal changes during midlife. Anywhere between 35 and 65.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:09:29]:
Genitourinary syndrome of menopause. Right. And look. And what, what she was extreme, was experiencing was an extreme form. But it does happen far more often than you may think. Now this doesn't only happen to people in extreme situations, right? Claire's story shows how easily this can unfold for any woman. Despite being part of the 60 to 80% of women impacted by vaginal dryness, she never spoke up for years. And that silence isn't because she didn't know what to call it.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:10:01]:
It's because she was never taught to talk about it. In fact, Dr. Lauren Stryker, OBGYN at Northwestern, she says that postmenopausal women shouldn't accept painful sex as their new norm. Many women try over the counter lubricants but continue to have pain. They, and sometimes even their healthcare professionals are unaware that there are other more effective treatments. Dr. Rachel Rubin, a board certified urologist and sexual medicine specialist, she adds to think of menopause as puberty in reverse. Just as we grow labia and develop genital sensitivity as hormone levels surge during adolescence, menopause is a time of hormonal withdrawal.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:10:45]:
And this is the exact same sentiment that I share with my clients in my practice. Now, without estrogen sensitive skin tissue shrinks, sometimes most sex ed classes, well, they don't even talk about this. Right. And Dr. Rubin also highlights a stark statistic here. While GSM affects more than half of the women. Half, sorry, half of menopausal women, only 7% seek treatment. Right.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:11:15]:
You hear that? Half of menopausal women will experience genotourinary syndrome of menopause, but only 7% seek treatment. That's a big number. And Kim Vopney, also known as the vagina coach, she's also a Mr. Menopause Approved provider. Well, she has revolutionized pelvic floor and sexual health for over 15 years. Her voice is relatable and her message is clear. She says owning your health means saying I deserve to feel better and then actually taking steps towards achieving it. Kim's buff muff method combines targeted pelvic floor training with empowerment rituals.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:11:54]:
Physiology meets psychology to help you move beyond avoidance and into full presence. A few key points I also learned from Kim is that progesterone, estrogen and testosterone that decline during menopause affect not only vaginal tissue, but pelvic floor muscles as well. And these muscles are rich in blood, nerves and connective tissue, just like the rest of your core. Without them, intimacy, bladder function and even posture can suffer. Kim's advice is to get real about your pelvic floor. And as a trusted Mr. Menopause approved research, I am happy to share her advice. First, pelvic floor physical therapy can reverse muscle tension and teach you how to relax and activate appropriately.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:12:42]:
And second, biofeedback tools like EVI and Perifit can give you real time data to retrain your muscles properly. Now, so far we've named physical changes like gsm, tissue thinning and dryness, hormonal shifts like estrogen and testosterone dips, as well as decreased blood flow, muscle changes like pelvic floor atrophy, or even muscle tension, and emotional components like shame, body image issues, or relationship disconnect. But why is this happening now, you might ask. Well, because this is midlife in its most unfiltered form. The stress of careers, caregiving and life transitions only intensify every aspect. And the cultural messaging, it still says that midlife women should be should just accept pain, and that is just part of aging. But today that narrative ends. And in fact, Dr.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:13:40]:
Samantha Wild from Bupa reminds women that when your estrogen levels drop, the walls of your vagina become thinner, drier and less flexible. All of this can impact physical health and your enjoyment of sex. If vaginal dryness gets in the way of normal life, it can also affect your mental health as well. Now listen, the key takeaways I hope that you've gotten so far is, number one, pain is a signal, not a flaw. Number two, this is common and not a cause for shame. Number three, you deserve relief and help does exist. Number four, pelvic floor care is essential, not optional. And number five, experts like Dr.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:14:23]:
Reichert, Dr. Rubin, Dr. Wild and Kim Fapni confirm that it's time to change the conversation. Now, we're gonna take a quick break, so grab some water, take a breath, and when we come back, I'll walk you through the solutions that can help bring joy, comfort and connection back into your sex life. So whether you're already exploring options or just now realizing that it's time, the next segment is packed with practical tools, treatments and Tips to help you reclaim what menopause may have tried to steal. This is the Mr. Menopause Show. And I'll catch you back here after this.
Hope (Announcer) [00:15:00]:
Clients are raving about Tawfiq Ahir, widely known as Mr. Menopause for helping them manage menopause and healthy aging with confidence, grace and complete autonomy. Don't just take my word for it. Listen for yourself.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:15:13]:
I don't have flashes, Tawik. I don't have hot flashes. That's crazy. Isn't that great?
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I have diabetes. My A1C, which is the amount of sugar you have in your blood over a three month period was an 8.6, which is horrible. It's just really, really awful. And so I went to the doctor like a week and a half after the eight week program and it was a 5.6. Now that's better than normal people have. My doctor took me off medication. It's just crazy.
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I sleep better. Absolutely. I have a lot more energy during the day.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:15:48]:
I highly recommend it for those who.
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Are strong, struggling with weight loss, obesity.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:15:54]:
High blood pressure, high cholesterol, high blood sugar.
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Because my numbers have come down, my butt got lift. I have a little bit of abs.
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And my arms look great.
Testimonial Giver - Client With Diabetes [00:16:06]:
Tafik is very motivational. He sends daily emails. He's available if you have any questions. It's just a great program. He just changed my life. He, he just made, he made, he just gave me a life back that I just didn't think I could have. And I'm so grateful for him.
Hope (Announcer) [00:16:29]:
Feeling inspired. Take the first step to menopause empowerment. Complete the free menopause readiness quiz@menopause readinessquiz.com to see if one of Taufeek's programs can help change your life. You deserve support. You deserve to thrive. Complete the quiz today.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:16:58]:
Welcome Back to the Mr. Menopause Show. I'm Tafi Kakir, Mr. Menopause here. And if the last segment opened your eyes to what's really going on with your body, emotions and intimacy, well, this segment is your roadmap to turning things around. Because you're not stuck, you're not doomed, and you are definitely not past your prime. In fact, you might just be on the edge of your most empowered chapter yet. Now, this segment is all about what works, from the medical to the mindful, from science to sensuality, from shame to satisfaction.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:17:31]:
So grab your notebook, open your mind, and let's reclaim the kind of sex life that meets you. Where you are today, not where society, society thinks you should be. Now let's Start with the heavy hitters. Because sometimes nature needs a little nudge. And medical advancements are finally catching up to what women have been screaming or maybe even whispering for for the last decade. Right? So one is vaginal estrogen therapy. So let's bust a myth. Local estrogen therapy is not the same as full body hormone therapy.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:18:04]:
And we're talking low dose targeted treatment that goes straight to the tissue that needs it. Your vaginal walls. Creams, tablets, rings. You've got different choices here. Dr. Lauren Stryker, author of Slip Sliding Away, says that women are walking around in pain because no one told them they didn't have to. And local estrogen is one of the safest, most effective treatments that you have. And yet so few women are even offered it.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:18:32]:
And look, she's right. Studies show that GSM symptoms improve in up to 90% of users of localized estrogen. 90%. That's not wishful thinking y' all. That is science. Two is DHEA or Prosterone. If you've ever wished your body could just make its own hormones again, well, DHE is as close as it gets. Intrarosa is a vaginal insert that converts into estrogen and testosterone inside your cells.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:19:01]:
You want to think of it as a mini hormone lab working directly where you need it most. It's especially effective for those who are experiencing pain during sex, tissue thinning or loss of sensation. And is a great option if you're not comfortable with full body hrt. Number three is systemic hormone therapy. Now for symptoms that go beyond dryness. And that would be brain fog, hot flashes, mood swings. And if those things are driving you up a wall, then system then systemic HRT might be your best friend. So whether it's pills, patches, gels or sprays, systemic therapy can rebalance your body in a broader way.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:19:40]:
But please work with the menopause literate provider. Too many doctors are still stuck in the outdated fear mindset. And it's also important to know and understand your tools as well. And that's when it comes to either lubricants versus moisturizers. Now here I want to just get really practical because it's really simple, right? So lubricants are for during intimacy. Think short term comfort, reduced friction and enhanced pleasure. Moisturizers are for maintenance. Use them two to three times per week similar to what you would a face cream.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:20:16]:
Right? They rebuild, hydrate, improve elasticity and decrease long term discomfort. Right. So Kim Bopney, the vagina coach, as I mentioned earlier, she says that your vulva is not a cactus. It needs regular hydration. Moisturize it like you mean it. And while we're at it, check your labels. Ditch anything with glycerin which can cause yeast infections, parabens which can be hormone disruptors as well as artificial fragrances which can cause irritation. So look instead for PH balanced water based options that respect your body's chemistry.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:20:55]:
And if you need a brand suggestion, there's good clean love. There's yes, organic and replenish. Those are great places to start. Now we also cannot forget the holistic helpers when you want more natural support. Let's say you're not into hormones or you want a more integrative approach. Totally fair and here are some Go to options that women swear by there's pelvic floor therapy and this isn't just for women post baby right Pelvic floor PT is for anyone with pain during sex, leaking when you laugh or even sneeze, the feeling of numbness down there. Even so, a licensed pelvic floor therapist can actually help you to release tension, retrain weak and overactive muscles, and even teach you how to feel more sensation during intimacy. Again.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:21:42]:
You know, I heard a woman once say she said I spent decades ignoring my pelvic floor and then wondering why it didn't work. Well, it's time to reconnect, rebuild and restore. Now. Next I'm going to talk about vaginal laser therapy and think collagen regeneration. But for your vagina. CO2 lasers like Mona Lisa Touch stimulate vaginal tissues and helps to thicken, improve lubrication and also reduces pain. And while not FDA approved specifically for gsm, many women report incredible results. Just be sure to find a practitioner who says specializes in women's pelvic health.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:22:24]:
And then of course there's supplements and botanicals. And while no supplement is a magic bullet, some can actually support vaginal health and libido Vitamin E suppositories. They soothe and hydrate omega 3s, reduce inflammation, macaroot may actually enhance libido and mood and Ashwagandha helps to regulate your strength, stress hormones Always, always check with your provider before starting a new supplement, especially if you're on medications to avoid any interactions. Now here's where we drop the science mic and pick up the heart. Here are some of the comments that women share with me all the time I hear things like I don't feel sexy anymore or My body feels foreign to me. Then there's I'm embarrassed to talk to my partner and look, listen, I get it. Really, I do. But here's the truth.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:23:19]:
Your sex life isn't just about your vagina. It's about how you feel in your skin, in your relationships, and in your sense of self. And that's why communication is non negotiable. And here, look, here are some simple ways that you can start the conversation. You can say things like can we explore ways to connect that feel good for others, both of us? Or I'm learning new things about my body in midlife. Can I share what I've discovered with you? Or even you can say, I want to feel close again. Let's figure this out together. Look, I know it's not easy, but it's so worth it.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:23:58]:
So, so worth it. And if you're living single right now, look even better. Because you get to redefine pleasure on your own terms. With no pressure, no performance, just presence. Also, you may want to schedule sex. Yes, actually schedule it. I believe it's Kim Botney who dropped this truth bomb. She said we schedule everything that matters.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:24:21]:
Workouts, therapy, groceries. Sex is no different. It deserves space on your calendar too. Prepping your nervous system for pleasure rather than waiting for it to just happen. Well, it's actually a power move, right? It's not unsexy. It's smart. Now let's get into some real talk about libido, right? Libido is more than hormones. It's feeling safe, feeling seen, feeling rested, feeling desirable.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:24:52]:
Right? It's not about getting it up or getting it on. It's about tuning in. So ditch the the pleasure and start with small steps instead. A bath with candles, wearing lingerie for yourself, reading erotic fiction, and gentle sensual self massage. And then you just let the spark build from there. Another often asked question that I hear is what do I do when my partner just doesn't get it? Well, maybe they think that you're just not in the mood. Or worse, maybe they take it personally, like you're not into them. This is where education comes in.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:25:28]:
Share Resources Watch an episode of the Mr. Menopause show together. Bring them into the experience. Because you're not asking for sympathy, you're asking for partnership. And if they can't meet you there, that's also data, right? Because you deserve someone who grows with you, not someone who guilts you about something that you can't control. No matter what you choose, there is empowerment in every decision. Whether you choose any estrogen cream, pelvic therapy, or simply start using a good lube, each step that you take is a declaration. You're basically stating, I deserve pleasure.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:26:07]:
I deserve comfort. I deserve to feel whole. That's not vanity, that's vitality. And as your guiding ally, I want you to remember your sexual health is not optional, it's foundational. And let's not forget that menopause was ignored in medical studies for decades. In fact, the landmark Women's Health initiative study in 2002 caused panic about hormone therapy, leading to a generation of women being told to just deal with it. But the tide is turning. More doctors, educators, and women like you are speaking up.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:26:45]:
Social media campaigns, books, summits. Well, menopause is having a moment and it's about time. Kim Voetney has been shouting from the rooftop for years. She says women need more permission. They need. Don't need more permission. They need information. Excuse me.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:27:01]:
And when we understand what's happening in our bodies, we can take control. And I agree with her wholeheartedly. It's not just about libido or lubrication. It's about leadership, legacy. And you define. And how you define midlife. Listen, it's about you rewriting your own rules. And you have that option.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:27:21]:
And here's what the research is saying now, right? A 2021 review of the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that nearly 68% of post mental puzzle women experience some form of sexual dysfunction. And yet only a fraction seek help. Why? Because the system hasn't made room for your voice. Women report being dismissed, uninformed and even ashamed. That's not health care. That's gaslighting. And this is why safe, shame free spaces matter. Whether it's a support group, a community forum, or one on one coaching, you deserve a circle that reminds you, number one, you're not alone.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:28:01]:
And consider this your official invitation to prioritizing that connection. To let go of outdated scripts. To surround yourself with women and allies who are rising just like you. Because here's the thing. Sexual health isn't a side quest. It's core to your well being. And reclaiming it can change everything. Listen, pleasure is not a luxury.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:28:23]:
It's a human right. Really. It boosts immunity, reduces stress, improves sleep and strengthens your heart. So whether that's partnered sex, solo exploration, or simply reclaiming your central identity, it's valid, it's worthy. Your body hasn't betrayed you. It's just asking for different care, different rhythms and a different understanding. In fact, look, I want you to try this tonight. Here's a gentle but powerful reframe exercise.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:28:54]:
Stand in front of the mirror, fully clothed or naked. Your choice. Look at your body, but not with judgment. But with curiosity. And say out loud, this body has carried me. This body is worthy of pleasure. This body has not finished. It is evolving.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:29:12]:
It may feel awkward when you do this, but do it anyway. And repetition is reclamation, so keep saying it. And if you're feeling brave, write a love letter to your body, right? Let it be messy, let it be honest, let it be real. And then read it back to yourself when doubt creeps in. You're not just healing your body. You're healing your story, actually. And now your toolkit is yours to build. This journey is personal, but you don't have to go it alone.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:29:42]:
So whether you start with a lube, seek therapy, schedule pleasure, or just give yourself grace, you're already making progress. There is no wrong way to reclaim your sex life. There is only your way. And here's another truth bomb. Midlife doesn't mean less desire. It just means desire comes from a different place. You're no longer navigating sex through the lens of performance, expectation, or reproduction. Now it's all about you.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:30:11]:
Your pleasure, your curiosity, and your rules. Women in their 40s, 50s, and 60s and beyond are rediscovering intimacy. Not desperate despite menopause, but because of it. Just ask actor and writer Rachel Bloom, who openly shared no one told me that my sex life might actually get better after 40. But it has. Because now I know myself. I'm more comfortable in my body, and I speak up for what I want. And that, ladies, that right there is powerful.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:30:41]:
So whether you're navigating vaginal dryness, a changed libido, or a partner who is stuck thinking like they're still in their 20s, this is your permission slip, Right? And sure, permission slip to create a sex life that feels honest, that feels expansive, and look unapologetically joyful. Right? Let's normalize the idea that sensuality is something that women practice. It's not something you lose. It's just something you may forget to engage with. With. And here are four easy ways that you can reconnect with your sensuality. First, do sensory walks. Just walk around your neighborhood.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:31:22]:
Pay attention to the smell, the texture, the color, the temperature. Be centered in yourself. Next is self touch, not necessarily sexual, just tender. Massage your arms, your face, your chest with intention. Three is music and movement. Put on your favorite song and just sway. Move your hips, feel into the rhythm. And lastly, restorative baths or showers.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:31:48]:
Let water become more than hygiene. It becomes ritual. Every touch is a conversation with your nervous system that says you're safe and you're home. And as it relates to intimacy, intercourse isn't the end all be all. It's not the only metric of intimacy. And frankly, if it's painful or dreaded, it should not be on the table until healing starts in the first place. Other ways of connecting are eye gazing, skin to skin touch, gentle massage, sensate focused exercises, reading erotica out loud, or just holding each other in stillness, being there for each other. Another statement that I read says start with connection before you move to arousal.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:32:35]:
If you wait until you're in the mood, you may wait forever. But if you create the conditions and the comfort and curiosity, desire often follows. I also want to demystify another often misrepresented topic. Yes, orgasms post menopause can absolutely happen. It may take longer, it may feel different, but it's still yours to to claim. And look, if it's not happening right now, that doesn't mean that something's wrong with you. It means that your body is asking for more intention, more stimulation, and most importantly, more support. Women have shared that getting support through tools like vibrators, clitoral stimulators, or pelvic wands have been great allies.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:33:20]:
But don't make it a crutch, because these are just tools that should be in your toolbox. And yes, you may need to reintroduce your body to what feels good. Think of it like learning a new language, except the dialect is you. Every time you choose what works for your body, whether that's slowing down, setting boundaries, or initiating touch, you're building your agency. And that's where confidence lives. That's where joy lives. That's where freedom lives. So as we wrap up this segment, remember this There is no finish line.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:33:57]:
There's only exploration, empowerment, and evolving pleasure. And that's a journey worth staying curious about right now. In the next segment, I'm going to share stories from real women who've gone from disconnected and discouraged to powerful and fully present. Their stories will inspire you, Their strategies will empower you, and together we're going to dismantle the shame that's kept this conversation in the dark far too long. I'm Tafi Kakir and you are tuning in to the Mr. Menopause Show. So don't go anywhere.
Testimonial Giver - Affirming Client [00:34:31]:
If menopause has left you confused, overwhelmed, or just plain exhausted from searching for answers, you're not alone. That's exactly why the Mr. Menopause newsletter was created to help you stop guessing and start understanding. Curated by certified menopause and healthy aging strategist Tafiq Akir. This newsletter delivers expert tips, practical solutions, and zero fluff. Just the real support you've been looking for. You'll get clear, actionable info to help you take control of your symptoms, your mindset, and your menopause journey. Women everywhere are craving guidance they can trust.
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Now you'll have it delivered straight to your inbox. The support you deserve shouldn't be that hard to find. Click the link in the description or visit mrmenopause.com to subscribe today.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:35:22]:
Now listen. When one woman speaks her truth, it creates a ripple effect that frees others to do the same. And this segment is about real voices, real breakthroughs, and the beautiful reality that you are never, ever alone. Let's begin with truth, right? Here's something no one says Enough. The shame around menopause and sex is not yours. It was handed to you. Handed down from generations of silence, fueled by decades of poor medical education, reinforced by a culture that hypersexualizes youth and erases midlife women. But you.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:35:57]:
You're here to break that chain. And you're not alone in doing it either. And let me also add this if you've ever felt like your body was betraying you, like your joy had been hijacked, or like your central self had been evicted, well, you're not imagining things. But you're also not stuck. You're not broken. You're just evolving. And evolution is not a flaw. It is a power.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:36:20]:
In fact, I want to tell you about Rebecca, a 52 year old teacher from Austin, Texas. And she messaged me after one of my trainings and she said, for years I thought I had just lost my libido. But it wasn't about desire. It was about discomfort. I didn't know how to describe it. I didn't even know it had a name until I learned of gsm. Now I'm not just having sex again. I'm enjoying it.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:36:46]:
I'm confident. And my partner says I look 10 years younger because I'm not weighed down by shame. Rebecca's turning point was using local vaginal estrogen and pelvic floor therapy. But more than that, it was reclaiming her right to ask questions and demand answers. So many women stay quiet because they don't know where to begin. Some are afraid their partners won't understand. Others feel broken. Some have never even had conversations about sex that weren't shrouded in guilt.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:37:18]:
I want you to pause and look. Say this out loud for me. Shame does not belong in your body, and silence is not a solution. Gonna say it again. Shame does not belong in your body and silence is not a solution. What if the next generation of women didn't have to unlearn shame? Right? What if they didn't associate pain with silence? What if your story helped start that shift? Cynthia is another lady who had resigned herself to just being done with intimacy. She said, I figured that part of my life was over. And then I joined a menopause support group online and realized that hundreds of other women felt exactly the same.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:38:05]:
So I tried vaginal dhe, changed my diet and started writing erotic poetry. Yes, erotic poetry. I feel alive again and connected to my partner in a way we hadn't felt in years. And then there's Tanisha. 47 year old woman who had been told her pain was just part of aging. After years of avoidance and heartbreak, she found a pelvic floor physical therapist who finally validated her symptoms. The therapist told her, you're not crazy and you're definitely not broken. I can help.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:38:37]:
Tanisha said she cried in that section. Then she began working on breathing, posture, even how she sat at her desk. Within three months, she said, I wasn't just paying free. I was initiating intimacy again. And I read another story from a woman in her 60s who discovered clitoral therapy tools for the first time. She said, no one told me pleasure was still available. Now I feel like I've unlocked a part of myself I never knew was there again. That's the power of education.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:39:11]:
It's the power of naming what no one talked about in your mother's generation. See, we're living through a menopause awakening. And look, it's long overdue. Celebrities like Oprah, Drew Barrymore and Gabrielle Union. Look, they're all speaking up. Brands are finally including menopause products in their wellness lines. But the real power? It's happening in everyday conversations and support groups, in DMs and tear filled conversations between close friends. And it's happening because people like you are refusing to stay silent.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:39:49]:
Dr. Rachel Rubin, urologist and sexual health specialist, often says it's not normal to have painful sex. It's common, but not normal. And it's treatable now. That's a powerful shift from what many women are told, right? So another incredible story came from a Reddit thread and it reads, my husband cried when I finally told him what was happening. Not because he was upset, but because he'd spent years thinking I didn't want him anymore. When I explained the pain and dryness and showed him the pamphlet from the doctor, it changed everything in Our relationship, we started over now with more honesty than we had in decades. The power of communication, y' all.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:40:35]:
Just think all the wasted time, frustration, despair, and resentment that was there. See, it's also important to understand that freedom doesn't mean every symptom vanishes overnight either. But what it does mean is that you ask for what you need without apologizing. You explore your body without shame. You allow yourself pleasure on your own terms, and you make peace with your evolving self. It also means setting boundaries, though. Saying no when intimacy doesn't feel right, saying yes when it does, and remembering that your desires matter. Now, if you're feeling brave, here's how to begin sharing your truth.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:41:18]:
Journal it first, write it raw, no filters. And then share it in a safe space. But only if you're up to that part. So whether it's with a coach, a friend, or a support support group, use your voice literally. Speak it out loud. Reclaim it as your own. Let go of perfection. Your story isn't meant to be polished.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:41:38]:
It's meant to be true. And this matters because your story isn't just healing for you. It's hope for someone else. Maybe even someone tuning into this show or scrolling silently at 2am wondering if she's the only one. You're not. She's not. You are the revolution. Every empowered choice you make, every product you try, every question you ask, every time you say, not anymore, you are dismantling centuries of stigma.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:42:08]:
And look, I'm honored to be walking along this path with you. And if you felt alone, unheard, confused, or ashamed, this segment was your reminder that healing is possible. Intimacy is possible. Joy is possible. So let yourself be seen. Let yourself be supported. Let yourself be whole. Because there's no expiration date on your pleasure.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:42:29]:
Right now. There's one more truth that deserves space in this conversation, because it's something that I hear from women all the time. I miss who I used to be. And I get that menopause brings a reckoning. But what if instead of focusing on who you were, you got excited about who you're becoming? Right. See, this isn't about loss. It's about reinvention. Maybe you're braver now.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:42:57]:
Maybe you've stopped people pleasing. Maybe you've rediscovered that boundaries are sexy, too. You don't owe the world your silence. You don't owe your partner the same version of yourself forever, either. And you don't need anyone's permission to embrace this season as one radical rediscovery. You know, I heard this quote, and I think that it's worth sharing as well. Midlife is not the beginning of the end, it's the end of pretending. What? Midlife is not the beginning of the end, it's the end of pretending.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:43:35]:
So whether you are finally using your voice, exploring intimacy with curiosity, or deciding that pleasure on your own terms is the only pleasure that you'll accept, celebrate that. Because that's not the end. That's power. That's ownership. That's you. And you've got this. So now that you have been inspired, educated, and maybe even cracked cracked open just a little bit more emotionally, let's anchor this with practical steps. Now here are some Go to resources, communities and practices that can support your journey from shame to sovereignty.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:44:12]:
And These are all Mr. Menopause approved resources that have been researched and fully vetted by me. First is the Menopause Society, formerly the North American Menopause Society, NASM. You can reach [email protected] then the Menopause Experts Group which is a UK based partner of mine and you can meet them@menopause experts.com and then of course the Vagina Coach, Kim Botney. You can find [email protected] for pelvic wellness programs and also for pelvic health assessment and of course the Menopause Made Simple Experience. And yes, that is my program. And you'll get science backed tools, symptom education and lifestyle strategies to help you feel like you again. Now some products to explore include lubricants from Good Clean Love, yes Organic and Uber loop moisturizers from Replenish, Hyalo Gyn and Reverie which is a hyaluronic acid based moisturizer.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:45:14]:
And then of course we can move on to pelvic tools, right? Like LV Trainer, that's E L V I E, Intimate Rows, Wands and Vibrance Pelvic trainers as well. Now I also recommend the book you Pelvic Floor by Kim Vopny and that's Kim Vopni K I M last name is V O P N I. That is the Vagina Coach and a few platforms that I recommend that welcome honest conversations would be Facebook groups like Menopause Chicks or Midlife and Beyond. There's tons of others, but those are the ones that I am most closely tied to now. Okay, now that we've uncovered the truths, shared the stories, and explored the real reasons intimacy changes during menopause, it's time to take it from understanding to embodiment. Because knowing why is powerful, but doing something with that knowledge that's how we reclaim what menopause has tried to take from you, Right? Your comfort, your confidence, your connection, and yes, your pleasure. This isn't about doing the most. It's about doing one small, meaningful thing every day.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:46:21]:
To reconnect with yourself, your body and your voice. And I call this the seven day Reconnection Experience. Experience. A gentle yet powerful invitation to come home to yourself one day at a time. These are not assignments. These are invitations. And they're designed to help you rebuild trust and your body, reignite intimacy on your terms, and reawaken the parts of you that have been whispered into silence for too long. Let's begin with day one.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:46:49]:
This is the mindful mirror moment. So stand in front of a mirror. Yes, really stand there and look into your own eyes. Take a deep breath and then say three kind things about your body or to your body, rather. This is not about your looks, so let me take that back. Say it to your body. Not about your body. This is not about fixing or improving anything.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:47:13]:
This is about honoring your body. You can say things like, thank you for carrying me through hard times, or you've healed more than I give you credit for, or you are stronger than I realize. This is your moment to speak to your strength, resilience and journey. If tears come up, let them. They're welcome here. If laughter comes up, let it too. This is about being seen by you. Day two.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:47:39]:
Lubricate and hydrate. Apply a vaginal moisturizer or hydrator. Not as a reaction to discomfort, but as a daily ritual of care. You don't wait for your skin to crack before using face cream, right? So why wait for vaginal tissue to become dry and irritated? Think of this as skin care for your inner world and active gentleness and affirmation. Also, drink a tall glass of water while you do it. Hydrate inside and out. Your body is not a problem to solve. It's a sacred space to care for.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:48:09]:
Day three. Move with intention. Light a candle. Put on music that moves your soul and try hip circles, gentle stretching or a short central dance. This isn't a workout, it's a wake up. You're reawakening your pelvic energy, inviting sensation back into parts of your body that may have gone quiet. Breathe into your belly. Feel your sway of your hips.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:48:33]:
No mirrors, no choreography. Just you, your breath and your beautiful movement. Day 4 Communication. Practice. Choose a calm moment and open a conversation with your partner or a trusted friend. If you're solo about your body, your needs, or even just something that You've discovered this week. Use language that feels soft but clear. For example, I'm learning how to reconnect with my body, and I want to share that with you.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:49:01]:
Or here's what I need more of. Here's what I'm expecting. Exploring. See, vulnerability is not a weakness here. It's strength in motion. And every time you choose honesty over silence, well, you deepen intimacy. Day 5. Explore solo touch.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:49:18]:
This is about curiosity, not climax. Reconnect with your body on your terms. Set the scene. Warm room, cozy blanket, maybe some music. Essential oils. And then explore different textures, rhythms, pressures, or temperatures. Try a soft feather, a warm compress, the cool side of a spoon. This is your body's playground.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:49:42]:
What do you like? What do you notice? What do you feel? There's no goal here. There's just presence. Day six, the education dive. Empowerment starts with understanding today. Invest in your knowledge. Watch a TED talk like Dr. Jen Gunter's on Vagina. Listen to a podcast episode from the Mr.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:50:01]:
Menopause Show. Read a chapter from a trusted resource like the Menopause Manifesto or Pelvic Floor Essentials. Choose learning over guessing. Your body deserves more than silence or shame. It deserves facts, support, and clarity. And then day seven. Restorative ritual. You've arrived at day seven.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:50:23]:
Not an ending, but a beginning. Draw a bath. Add Epsom salts or your favorite essential oils. Light a candle. Breathe deeply as you soak or sit. Reflect on the courage it takes to show up for yourself this way. Journal. What's changing? Maybe it's small.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:50:40]:
Maybe it's huge. Either way, it's yours. Let this ritual be a reminder that you are powerful, deserving, evolving, and deeply worthy of care and pleasure. Feel free to revisit this anytime you need a reminder. Your pleasure, your pressure and your power are yours to reclaim. And you've got this. And the takeaway that I hope to inspire with this episode is that you are not a problem to be fixed. You are a person to be honored.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:51:08]:
And whether your story includes a vibrator, a prescription, or a therapist, or just a courageous breath, you're doing it right. Let your pleasure be sacred. Let your voice be loud. Let your journey be yours. And after this, we've got Ask Mr. Menopause. Hey, there. It's Tafika Kir, Mr.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:51:28]:
Menopause here. And let's be real, menopause is confusing. Your doctor rushes you. Your friends are just as lost. And Google. Well, don't even go there. That's why I created Ask Mr. Menopause.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:51:42]:
Your chance to get one real answers to the real questions that you've been too frustrated, embarrassed or exhausted to ask. Each week I tackle a new theme like hormone imbalance, libido changes, brain fog, weight gain, and so much more. Get evidence based answers. Feel heard, seen and supported. No shame, no fluff, no judgment. So if you've got questions, big or small, head to ask mistermenopause.com or click the link in the description to submit your question now. Your body deserves answers and I'm here to help you get them. Submit now@ask Mr.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:52:23]:
Menopause.com hey there. Welcome back. I'm Tati Kakir, host of the Mr. Menopause show and this is Ask Mr. Menopause where I answer the bold, brilliant and often unspoken questions that you've been holding on to, sometimes for years. I'm going to answer three questions that I received online and if you'd like to submit your question, please go to ask Mr. Menopause.com? number one is from Lisa in Canton, Ohio and she says, why do I feel like I've completely lost interest in sex even though I love my husband? Well, this is one of the most common and most gut wrenching questions I received. And first let me say this.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:53:02]:
Losing desire does not mean losing love. It also doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. And there are multiple reasons that this shift can happen during menopause. Hormone changes like dips in estrogen and can dull your libido. And if you're someone who has a robust sex life, it can almost feel like someone dimmed a light switch. There's also pain from vaginal dryness or thinning tissues or even pelvic floor dysfunction that can make sex feel more like a child. And then of course, stress of life and things like that. Here's what I would recommend doing.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:53:37]:
Look, desire isn't dead. It may just need a new pathway to be ignited, right? And that can include medical support like vaginal estrogen or dha, pelvic floor therapy, or even honest conversations with your partner. But the thing is, you need to have those conversations so that they do have a better understanding of what's going on with you and how they can actually help. Hope that answers your question. Question two is from Janet in Sacramento, California. She says, is painful sex just part of aging or is there something I can do? Well, let me be blunt. Painful sex is common, but it's not normal. And yes, there are effective evidence based options that can help.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:54:17]:
This includes local vagina estrogen. As I spoke about before, this is available by prescription, hyaluronic acid, vaginal moisturizers, vaginal DHEA like intrarosa, pelvic floor, physical therapy, and then regular hydration, movement and support as well. And then the final question that I received is from Mia in Brooklyn, New York and she says, how do I bring up my changing needs in the bedroom without hurting my partner's feelings? Now this is such a thoughtful question and I love that it shows care for both partners in the equation. Right? And here's the key. It's not about blame, it's about collaboration. Start with this approach. I've noticed some changes in how my body responds and I'd love for us to figure out what we can do for each other that feels good now or another might be. I miss the intimacy that we used to have and I'd love to rediscover it with you, but on our terms.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:55:17]:
See, when you make it a shared experience, it becomes less about loss and more about learning. Right? Rediscovering. And that can reignite not just desire, but connection as well. So look, if this episode touched something in you, if you saw yourself in these stories, in these questions, or in this journey, then know this. You're exactly where you need to be. The Mr. Menopause show is here to help you every step of the way. Healing is not linear.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:55:44]:
Intimacy isn't one size fits all. And your pleasure, your peace, peace, your voice. They all still matter. And perhaps now more than ever. This is your season to reclaim joy, to rewrite your story, and to reconnect with you, your body, your partner and yourself. And if you're craving more guidance, support or education, I invite you to subscribe to my weekly [email protected] or by clicking the link in the description of this episode. This is all new weekly wrap up that delivers fresh insight, expert tools and empowering encouragement straight into your inbox. And it's usually based on a theme for that week.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:56:25]:
No spam, just real talk, real support and real community. Thank you for being here, for tuning in and for being part of this much, much, much needed conversation. Until next time, keep asking, keep exploring and above all keep keep honoring you. This is the Mr. Menopause show and I'm your host, Tafika Kir. Mr. Menopause here. Until next time, stay safe and be well.
Tafiq Akhir aka Mr. Menopause [00:56:51]:
Thank you for tuning in to the Mr. Menopause show where menopause education meets real talk, real support and real solutions. If this episode gave you a new perspective, an aha moment, or even a little relief, don't keep it it to yourself, share it with a friend, subscribe or keep the conversation going. To access every episode, bonus content and exclusive tools designed to help you thrive through menopause and beyond, visit Mr. Menopause TV, your trusted home for expert insight, empowering education, and a whole lot of unapologetic truth. Until next time, I'm Tafika Kir, Mr. Menopause here, your guide and ally, here to take this journey with you every step of the way.
