How To Get the Care You Deserve When Your Doctor Doesn’t Understand Menopause
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Speaker: [00:00:00] Last week I shared that nearly 80% of OBGYNs in the US get no formal menopause training, which is why so many women in men life are being dismissed or told to just deal with it when it comes to menopause treatment and care. Now, I shared the five critical questions that every woman should be asking your doctor about menopause.
So if you didn't catch that episode, you should actually be sure to check it out. Four. You watch this one. Now, the five questions that I covered were, number one, what kind of menopause training do you have? Question two is, what are the best ways to manage my symptoms based on my medical history? Number three was, can you explain the risks and benefits of both hormone and non-hormone treatment options?
Number four was. How can we protect my bone, heart and brain health during menopause? And question five was, can we create a long-term plan for my menopause [00:01:00] journey? Now I go into detail about each one and why the questions are so important. So this week in part two, I'm sharing the strategy for what to do.
If your doctor can't answer those questions, or worse if they dismiss you for asking in the first place, I'm Tahi Kaki, Mr. Menopause here and welcome to the Mr. Menopause Show.
Now after you've asked the five questions you've shown up, informed, you've advocated for your needs, but your doctor couldn't or wouldn't give you real answers, maybe they brushed you off, maybe they made you feel dramatic, or look, maybe they flat out said, that's not really my area of expertise, and now you're wondering.
What do I do with that? Well, first of all, you are not wrong for wanting better answers. What you are going [00:02:00] through is shared by millions of women, and it deserves to be taken seriously. Dismissive care is not acceptable, period. And if your provider isn't equipped to support you, well. That's not a reflection of you.
It's a reflection of the limited focus on menopause care in medical education. So don't carry that lack of education as your burden. In fact, this is where your knowledge becomes action. So if you've been dismissed, deflected, or denied, I know it could feel like a full stop, but it's actually your cue to pivot and you don't need to shout to be heard.
You need strategy. And I'm about to give it to you. Step one, document your visit. Write down what you asked, what they said, and what they didn't say, because this helps you to track your progress and gives you clarity when deciding whether to continue. With that provider and why this matters is that when emotions run high or you feel overwhelmed, it's easy [00:03:00] to forget the details.
A written record helps you to spot patterns, recall key points, and gives you language for follow-up conversations or proof when it's time to move on. A woman I worked with kept a doctor journal in her notes app on her phone, and after three visits with the same vague answers, she read back through her notes and realized her doctor hadn't addressed a single concern.
That realization gave her the courage to find a new provider. Documentation. It's not just self-care, it's strategy in legal and medical spaces. If it's not documented, it didn't happen. So your notes create a timeline of care, which becomes powerful evidence for second opinions, insurance claims and referrals.
Also write down how you felt after the appointment if you left, confused, dismissed, or anxious. That matters just as much as the clinical advice. Your emotional response is a diagnostic tool as well. Step two, [00:04:00] as for referral. If your doctor admits menopause isn't their area of expertise, that's okay, but they should be able to point you towards someone who does specialize in it.
And if they can't or won't. That's another possible cue to move on, and why this matters is a referral is not a confrontation. It's a direction. It shows that you're serious about getting support that you really need. Another client of mine caught her provider off guard when she asked for a menopause referral because it forced him to pause that knit that he hadn't updated his menopause training in over a decade.
The good news is he did refer her to a specialist. Which was me, by the way, who finally helped her feel seen and get the support that she needed. Another thing you should know is that referrals don't have to be limited to your doctor's immediate network. You can ask for a referral to a certified menopause nurse practitioner, a certified menopause educator or specialist, an endocrinologist with hormonal [00:05:00] training or even a pelvic floor therapist if your symptoms are impacting intimacy or bladder function.
And look, don't be afraid to say, I'd like someone who is menopause literate or certified by the menopause Society either because that one sentence, it communicates that you're educated, empowered, and that you are not here for half answers. Step three is to search smarter. Do not rely on a blind Google search please.
The Menopause Society offers a searchable directory of certified Menopause practitioners across the US for free. Also for members of my Menopause Made Simple Experience, I offer the Mr. Menopause Approved Resources list, which includes providers who have completed my Mr. Menopause certification program, as well as certified champions with the Menopause Experts Group.
And why this matters is that not all doctors are created equal when it comes to menopause. Remember that, and you wouldn't see a [00:06:00] dentist for knee pain, so you shouldn't trust your hormone health to someone who hasn't studied it either. Finding a train certified expert isn't a luxury anymore. It is the foundation of effective menopause care.
And the quick tip here, when you're searching providers. Look at their bios, not just their specialties, and look for things like experience with midlife and aging, or HRT and alternative therapy support, and look for patient reviews as well. That might mention things like listening and compassion. And also while you're at it, Google their name plus Menopause podcast or webinar, because if they've been educating on the topic publicly, that's usually a good sign that they're tuned in as well.
Step four is super important and it is, don't give up. Your health, your peace, your quality of life, they're all worth the time, the energy and the effort. And why this matters is that I've seen firsthand [00:07:00] women who tell me they gave up after the first few bad appointments. I also have had women come to me after five providers, more confused than ever, but still determined.
And guess what? Those are the ones who find the care they need because they didn't give up, and that's the difference. That's the power right there. The system may not be built for you, but your persistence can build a better experience for you. So keep going. You are not alone, you are not too much. You are just getting started.
And when you're searching, keep in mind that you are also allowed to assemble your own team of care, right? Your menopause journey might involve a certified menopause educator like myself, a therapist who understands midlife identity shifts. A dietician who knows how hormones affect metabolism or a pelvic pt, acupuncturist, or health coach.
You don't have to find everything in one [00:08:00] person. You get to be the director of your own menopause and wellness team. And if you're not sure where to begin, look, I invite you to start with my menopause Clarity check-in. It's a gentle two minute experience designed to help you make sense of your symptoms and identify what kind of support can help you feel like yourself.
Again, think of it as your personal roadmap to clarity, because once you understand what your body is telling you, well. You can finally take the next right step with confidence and clarity, and if not with me again, the Menopause Society, as I mentioned, or the Menopause Experts Group, also provides sound and reputable menopause resources and support.
Now, let me say this loud and clear. You are not broken, you are not crazy, and you are not being too much. You are powerful, you are intuitive, and you are worthy of care that [00:09:00] listens, honors, and helps you. Dismissal is not the end of your story. It's the beginning of your strategy. So if your doctor can't or won't meet you where you are in your menopause journey, well now you know exactly what to do because this journey is yours to own.
And guess what? I'm honored to be your guiding ally walking this journey with you every single step of the way. I hope you got value from what I share today, and remember to subscribe and hit that bill for all the updated episodes and special additions to come. Again, I'm Tafiq Akhir, also known as Mr.
Menopause. Until next time, stay safe and be well.
